Jenn's Coop

Being

2012-01-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

Laying in bed this morning, in that half awake but can’t open my eyes yet place, I was begging for it to be raining. Straining my ears above the noise of the early morning traffic; I could hear the tires splashing on the wet road, but was it still coming down? Beside the fact that we desperately need the rain – I wanted the rain. I wanted the dark sky, the rain coming down. Because, what I wanted this morning was to curl up in my big chair with a fire and a blanket with a good book. I wanted to curl up in my cave.

So, why the desire for the rain? Somehow, I don’t give myself permission for time in my chair unless I have an excuse - a reason that I’m not doing other things. When the sun is shining, I feel guilty just being.

Just being.

That is such a difficult concept for me, and I would guess most Americans. We are a society of doers. We base our worth on what we do and have little respect for those we deem lazy or that do things beneath them. Add to this the fact that I am a bottom line person. “Get to the point.” “Why is this important?” These two things combined, make me a doer. Wrapped up in all of this is this nagging question of what is the point of life? Because if I am just being, then I am not doing something that needs to be done for life to matter. God has expectations of me, and I’m not living up to them.

But, what if there weren’t expectations? What if being was the point of life?

I picked up The Shack the other night and randomly started reading. (I’ve read it several times before, so I didn’t need the whole story.) Towards the end, there is a conversation between the main character, Mack, and God regarding expectations. The author makes a case for turning it from a noun into a verb - from expectations to expectancy. What if God doesn’t have expectations of us, but has expectancy of being with us?

Expectations are the cause of much strife in life and in relationships. We set up expectations and no one can really fulfill them, instead of having expectancy of being with that person. My kids don’t need to do anything for me to love them. I don’t have any expectations of what our time together should look like, or how they should act for me to love them more or be happy with them. I just want to be with them.

Maybe that is what God wants from me.

Maybe it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do, what I accomplish, what I don’t…he just wants me.

thankful

2011-12-17T22:59:00.001-08:00

new musiclittle boys breathing next to meclean sheetscold nights to snugglelearning new thingsreadingcreatinglearning to really seeforgivenesshopegingerbread houses and margaritas

beauty everyday

2011-07-07T05:48:00.000-07:00

summer fun

2011-07-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

took the boys to san francisco for the weekend

exploratorium...

of course, the trees outside the exploratorium...

first train...

first bus...

first chinatown...
first dim sum... (ok, didn't get a good picture until they descimated the food!)

cable cars, fisherman's wharf, lots of walking and we had a blast!

Letting Go

2011-01-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

I have been in a season of loss for a while now. I keep asking God when is this going to be over?! But there hasn't been an answer yet. Letting go of people, babies, relationships, behaviors and dreams.

A dear friend told me that I'm not the same person he knew years ago. Part of me wanted to rejoice and say thank you God! And part of me wanted to grieve, because the things that have changed me and shaped me have not been fun or enjoyable or wanted and seriously wouldn't wish them on anyone. I am changed. For the better? I hope so. But only God can answer that one.

I do know that God is using to speak into other's lives. Other's that have landed on a similar path.

This season of loss is still here. I am currently saying goodbye to my house. Even writing that sentence is hard and the lump in my throat is growing every second. This is MY house. This is the house I came to after burying a baby. This is the house I came home to with Max in my arms. This is the house my boys learned to walk in. climb in and on top of. I have touched every part of this house and yard and made it mine. Even tearing out bathrooms with my own hands and rebuilding. God and I re-built my life here.

Not all of the memories here are good, but it's where our life happened. I've started going through the cabinets. Getting things ready for a garage sale. Started packing. Blessing others with things. This is all just stuff, right?

So, if this is all just stuff, why is there this ache in my heart? Why are tears streaming down my face? Tears that I try to hide from the boys. Tears that burn my cheeks? Tears that I'm all too familiar with. This is the best thing for us, I tell them. So, why does it hurt so much?

Sometimes dreams are the hardest to lose. How do you grieve your dreams? No one can see them. There is nothing to point to. There are no hallmark cards. But they linger on. The loss of dreams is the loss of hope. And that is not what God is about. He brings hope.

So here I am at the brink of something new. And scary. And unknown. A time for new dreams to be made. A time for giving my dreams to God and saying, "here you go." I wonder what you are going to do with these. But here they are.

I read a fabulous post the other day about turning our worries into wonder. Instead of thinking "what if...." turn it into "I wonder how God is going to..."

I wonder how God is going heal my heart.

I wonder how God is going redeem my dreams.

I wonder who he is going to bring into my life.

I wonder where he is leading me.

He is so much bigger than me; and thank God he is!! He is bigger than anything I can do to mess things up.

"I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten." Joel 2:25

Words

2011-01-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

Words have power.

Words tear down or lift up.

Words are art.

Words created the universe.

Words are healing.

In the beginning was the Word.

For awhile I have been thinking about this - words, writing, this blog. Why did I start it? Because it was a fad and everyone else was doing it? To keep in touch with family? Because I love to write? Because I have to write even if it is never published?

I write all day. Mostly in my head. And wow, I write really good stuff in there! By the time I make it to a pencil or the computer, most of the best stuff is gone...

But, I stopped.

I told myself that part of that was grief. I didn’t want to come back and write about losing another baby. I didn’t want to write about the pain. The hate. The ache. The stolen dreams.

However, that is not really true. I write to deal with life. With grief. It helps me process.

The honest answer to why I stopped writing, was that no one was reading. I wanted someone to like me. I wanted someone to approve. Someone to tell me it was good. but, what if writing itself is the point?

What if writing is an act of worship? What if creating whether it is writing, painting, parenting, gardening is a gift and a responsibility from God? What if no one sees? No one notices? Doesn’t it still matter? It is in the quiet of our hearts and minds and souls that God works. usually without anyone seeing. We hope people notice, but that is not the point.
The point is worship. The point is that this is who I am.

I create to heal.

I create because I can’t help myself.

I create because I love beauty.

I create because God created me to.

So, I will continue to write. To share. To cry. To laugh. Because readers and followers aren’t the point.

Creating is.

What this looks likes going forward? Who knows? I do know that it will be from my heart.

Plans...and News

2010-09-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have been a single mom for the past six years...and for any of you counting, yes, my baby is six years old. He went into first grade this year. sniff, sniff.

I knew this was coming and have been planning for this day for years. You see, as a single mom, almost every decision I have made has revolved around that date - when I went back to graduate school, when I graduated, what jobs I have taken. Because not only would I be able to work full time and not worry about day care (worry as in I HATE it), but my alimony also ended on that date. So being able to support us was pretty high on my list of priorities...

Max started first grade on a Monday...and on Tuesday I got a baby.

I wasn't looking for one. I wasn't on a list. But a young family member made a completely selfless and courageous decision to offer her little girl a better life...

What do you say when someone puts a baby in your arms?

Yes, I took the baby. I'm scared. For lots of reasons and not the least of them being whether or not the mom will change her mind. I'm not sure I could handle losing another daughter.

My sister and her kids live with me because she is fighting breast cancer. After chemo and radiation for almost a year, she had her other mastectomy last week and is starting to move around better, but she still has several surgeries and a lot of recovery time. She will need a job. She's scared.

I'm very scared. And the bottom line is that I'm really afraid to trust God. The week before the baby, the bank denied our modification, so we will have to find a new place to live soon.

If all of this sounds like I'm looking for pity, I'm not. Life happens to everyone, I hear a lot of it everyday! But, sometimes you just need to say it all, so someone can witness that you are struggling.

I know that God is bigger than all of our circumstances and I trust him more now than I have in years...but I feel it is still leap years away from where I want my relationship to be with him. Anyone have any suggestions?

And a final, completely unrelated note, I have no idea where I want to take this blog!

Blessings

2010-08-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hanging out on the walkway to my front door...

Sand Crabs, Sea Glass and Sand Castles

2010-08-18T20:19:00.001-07:00

A foggy day on the beach was perfect for taking pictures!

I have been looking for sea glass for years, with no luck. However, this day - I found some! It was a wonderful, welcome blessing.

Last Days of Summer

2010-08-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

We are down to the last week of summer vacation here, and I have to say I am sad to see them go back to school. I know a lot of parents can't wait to get back to the routine and structure of school days, not to mention that the kids are occupied most of the day! But, I like my kids with me. I love watching them explore and create and seeing their little minds expand.

We went to my parents last week and they spent the entire time outside. Riding bikes. On lizard hunts. Exploring. Climbing trees. Occasionally, posing for mom and the camera. But they never asked to even turn on the TV.

Blog Hiatus

2010-07-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed that I haven't been writing much...Summer is here in full swing and with some very active boys living under the same roof as me, we are pretty busy. Not to mention that I've had jury duty, a nasty ear infection that laid me out for a solid week, vacation Bible school, and I got a new job!

As I was reading my previous posts to see what I had been talking about, I realized that my dreaming post was a little depressing. I didn't mean it to be, and in fact I do have a lot of dreams - just not the huge, life culminating in one moment type of dreams like climbing Everest.

My dreams are more of the everyday, living life variety. I think that these dreams are sometimes harder to sustain over the long run, because they are not necessarily recognized as dreams. The day in and day out of becoming a better person, a better mother.

Becoming the person God created me to be.

Using my creativity.

Learning to love with my whole heart.

Making a beautiful, peaceful home.

Training my boys to become strong, men of God with integrity.

Raising chickens.

Growing food.

Eating wonderful homemade meals.

Loving my children. Laughing everyday.

Bringing joy to my life and my kids lives.

Deepening my friendships and developing new, creative and enduring relationships.

Opening myself to possibility of finding someone else to share my life with.

Completely giving my life over to God.

Resting in His peace.

Keeping my house clean for more than 15 minutes. (Okay, this may be a pipe dream until the boys are say 30...)

Selling my creations of furniture, paintings, crafts....inspiration of the day.

In other words, I have LOTS of dreams. Some big. Some small. Some not yet spoken. Some I'm not even aware of yet. But, it's important to dream. It's important for my soul. It's important for my daily existence. Even though sometimes the dreaming process might be a little scary - it's important to dream dreams. If I only allow myself to hope for things that I can easily accomplish, where is the mystery, excitement, striving? Hope is critical for my survival.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31

Beach Dreaming

2010-07-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

It's been over 105 degrees for the past week and right now I'm dreaming of being at the beach with the boys!

I found these pictures when they were little...I can't believe how fast they have grown up.

4th of July

2010-07-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th!

Dreams

2010-05-13T05:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have lost the power of dreams. When faced the question of:

“What would I do, if I knew I could not fail?”

I don’t have a response. I have no idea!

Have I lost the power of dreams?

Or have I just been too afraid to dream in the first place?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day

2010-05-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

"It is easy to be brave from a safe distance."

- Aesop

Photos of the Day

2010-05-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day

2010-04-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

- Margaret Young

Before and After

2010-04-28T20:46:00.001-07:00

I picked up this great dresser at a thrift store last week. I have been looking for something to go by the front door to replace the chest for the boys shoes.

Sorry, for the bad pictures, but you get the idea - this was not a pretty piece of furniture! I stripped the paint off, painted a pink undercoat, white and then distressed it.

I love the way it turned out! Both of the boys have their own drawer for their shoes as well as their backpacks and so far it is keeping my entry way much neater. Which makes for a much happier mom!

I painted the pulls turquoise and it fits perfectly!

What do you think?

Quote of the Day

2010-04-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” -- Lao-Tzu

This is one of the hardest things for me to do - just be myself. I have spent so many years listening to the voices that it has been difficult for me to just relax and be me. You know the voices - the outside ones from other people, the running script from your parents, and then the nasty little voices that subtly put you down...

And then there is the direct comparison to other women - they have it more together than I do, they handled that parenting issue better than I have, they keep their house cleaner, more organized, have dinner ready on time, have a cuter haircut...

What does it takes to stop the voices? Stop comparing? Stop judging myself? What does it take to learn who I am, relax and settle in to becoming the best me I can be?

A Date!

2010-04-23T13:34:00.001-07:00

I have a date this weekend!

Not a romantic date, but a friendship date. It is no less exciting and in fact I am probably even more excited!

You see, one of my goals over the past year has been to increase my friendship base. For lots of very legitimate life reasons, I haven't developed that many close friendships in the past 8 years. And the amazing friends I do have - most have moved away to other parts of the country or do not live close to me. They are still incredible friends, but we can no longer just hang out or go to the movies without a plane ticket being involved.

Although I was seriously dating someone for almost three years, I have been a single, stay-at-home mom and just finished graduate school. As a therapist, the people I meet on a daily basis could never be friends...So, I found myself finally lifting my head up and looking around thinking I need to work on this!

What do you do when you decide you want to make friends as an adult? It's not as easy as when you were in school, or even working in a larger office. There you see people on a daily basis.

How do you meet new people? Then moving a relationship from an acquaintance to friendship takes effort. First of all there has to be some sort of attraction - similar interests, similar views on life, or for some reason you just want to get to know them better.

But then what? Do you ask them out? Do you keep calling? What if your kids don't get along?

Juggling work, kids, husbands, boyfriends and families while trying to develop friendships is much harder than it once was! Because in addition, the time I spend with my friends is time something else is not getting done - laundry, housework, yard work, painting, reading...and really I have a fairly tenuous grip on those things anyways!

I recently ran across a new blog that is asking similar questions. And even though I had been thinking about this issue and in fact had written something last year, I never wanted to publish it because I felt a little, well, crazy. Even though we talk about making friends, and wish for deep connections with others, we don't really talk about how or why. Reading her posts on her own search for a deep friendship made me realize that deep down, we all have the same feelings. We all feel isolated and alone, scared and lonely, and even a little bit crazy.

And sometimes, sharing these feelings brings us closer together because we realize that we are not alone. We are not crazy. We are not isolated. We all long for someone to understand our own personal brand of crazy. Someone to make us laugh. Someone that can honestly say that your outfit isn't the most flattering on you and we appreciate it! Someone that can make us laugh. And someone that we can call up and be with, just because.

Husbands and boyfriends are wonderful, but nothing can replace the fellowship, friendship and love of other women! (Oh, and I have realized that friends are directly related to my goals of joy!)

Skate Park

2010-04-15T05:58:00.000-07:00

The city recently built a skate park by our house. The boys wanted to go check it out the other day, so I naively thought, "Sure. Let's ride our bikes over and leave the skate boards at home until we know what we are dealing with." In other words, mommy is not ready for this. And I don't want to go to the hospital today.

Turns out it is for bikes and skate boards. All at the same time. Adults. Teenagers. Kids. Chaos.

My little one, who is barely six and just lost his first tooth (I want the rest to come out of their own accord) decides to take one of the bigger ramps on. (He is also on a bike that is slightly too large for him...)

Yes, that is a bandanna across his face...well, actually it's a napkin...

He's almost up...

...not enough speed...I stayed and watched from the sidelines, but a very nice teenager was immediately their and helped him get his bike out.

Boys make moms nervous. It's their job. And they are good at it. Unfortunately, my job is to let them.

and that's why they wear helmets!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-14T05:54:00.000-07:00

Birthday Projects

2010-04-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

Last week was my mom's 70th birthday! You would never know it form looking at her or even spending a day with her. This woman has more energy than I know what to do with!

The boys and I went down and spent Easter break with them and helped her get a few things done. We installed her vegetable garden which this year is a mix of raised beds, container and straw bales.

We sanded down and oiled her badly dilapidated porch swings.

Papa took the boys fishing. (Which gave mom and me a nice day to be with each other.)

And Ryan got a new dog.

Ok, so this last one wasn't exactly a birthday project for mom - but it did get rid of one of the dogs currently living at her house. Which makes her very happy!

Lost tooth

2010-04-12T21:35:00.001-07:00

Max lost his first tooth last week. It was a very happy occasion for him as it marks yet one more milestone towards growing up, it marks one more milestone for me that he is growing up...

Quote of the Day

2010-04-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

“You can never predict what little things in the way somebody looks or talks or acts will set off peculiar emotional reactions in other people.”

Andy Warhol

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

Max's Birthday

2010-03-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

A little late, but Happy Birthday Max!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-24T05:56:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day

2010-02-23T10:33:00.001-08:00

"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too."

Mark Twain

Photo of the Day

2010-02-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

Dreams

2010-02-19T05:54:00.000-08:00

I had a strange dream last night. To those of you who know me, this is really nothing new, but it had a different quality to it than my normal, run of the mill, someone is trying to kill me dreams. First of all, I was in the Olympics. Which to many of you is not strange at all considering the Olympics are everywhere right now; except, I haven’t seen one second of them. Not because I don’t care, actually the Winter Olympics are my favorite; I just haven’t had the TV on at all in the past week.

I was given a pony, with a saddle that was too small, and my legs were up around my chest. For some reason, I was afraid of the pony (really strange since I grew up on a horse) and then they just sent me out into the snow without any snow clothes. I tried to fix the saddle, but my trainers kept telling me I was doing it wrong. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, or where I was supposed to go, only that I was in a competition and I had better win because all of my team mates were depending on me.

In other words, I was in a race, with the wrong equipment, no protection and no directions – sounds kind of like life and parenting in many respects. How often are we given all of the information before we are required to make life altering decisions? How often do we feel ill-equipped and afraid of the tools we are given? How often do we have other people who supposedly know better, telling us the way we are trying to fix our lives to make it easier or better is the wrong way? How often do we know where we are going? Or how often do we feel the weight of trying to take care of our families, children and everyone else who we have signed up to be in the race with?

I do know that I miss the feeling of being on my horse, running through a field. The sense of freedom. The feeling of the horse’s power underneath me. The feeling of the wind on my face. The smell of the horse and the ground being turned up by her hooves. The sense of just being. When I was riding my horse, I was in the moment. I was relaxed. I was confident. I was happy. I wasn’t striving for someone to like me, or to do it right, or to be successful, or make decisions – I just was.

Joy is my project for this year. Learning to be in the moment, to enjoy every day and every gift God has given me. Not looking to the troubles of tomorrow, but relishing every day. Along with this comes trust. Trusting in God. Learning to trust myself – not spending my time constantly second guessing. Trusting others. And trusting that joy isn’t something that can be taken away.

Before and After

2010-02-18T06:30:00.000-08:00

I have been looking for months for new dressers for the boys. Ryan is getting so big, that his pants no longer fit in his drawers very well. But then, they decided to use Max's dresser as a ladder and broke his drawers. I have also been looking for a dresser for my front entry way to help coral the boys shoes, backpacks, papers and such.

Since I want a good quality, wood dresser, I'm trying to find dressers at garage sales or thrift stores. Thus, it has taken quite a while to find even one. Here's the first one I've found:

With the help of the boys, I sanded it down and repainted it:

We painted the insides of the drawers orange and decoupaged an old atlas for the bottoms:

Then, I painted the pulls black and decoupaged the atlas onto the fronts:

Overall, I am so pleased with how it turned out! And Max loves it!

Ryan's Birthday

2010-02-17T06:13:00.000-08:00

Ryan turned eight last week!

Ryan opening Rock Hero...which turned out to be broken and we had to take it back to Walmart and had the absolutely worst experience with customer service ever!!! To the point that I will never shop at Walmart agian if I can help it. It took us over 2 hours in the store and even then they wanted us to go back to the same store we got it from accross town. They didn't seem to understand that the other store didn't have any more and that's why we are at this store...Walmart gives me panic attacks...Sorry for the rant!

After we got home with a non-broken Rock Hero and we figured out how to use to use it - that's when the fun began!!!

The next day, we went bowling for his party. It was a blast! Definitely a must do again!

Grandma helping Max.

And here is Shelly and their little sister.

Happy Birthday Andi

2010-02-16T08:49:00.001-08:00

Today is my wonderfully sweet, beautiful and talented friend's birthday. She is such an amazing woman!

Here she is with her equally sweet sister-in-love helping to pack up a friends home.

I have already said that Andi is sweet and wonderful, but she is the one I call when I need a quick smile. She is also the one I call when I find out about an amazing garage sale, estate sale or rummage event. The only problem with Andi, is we have the same taste...which can create issues about who saw it first!

Last week, I found a new thrift store and found some absolutely fabulous things to bring home (not that my home needs any new things in it). One of the items was this cake stand/candy dish?

On the way home, I remembered that Target had some very small succulents for sale in the garden department and wouldn't this dish look fabulous filled with succulents? Needless to say, the car veered into the Target parking lot and the succulents left Target and immediately were nestled into their new home.

The entire time I was creating this dish, I kept thinking of my friend Andi and how much she would love this. The next morning I discovered that her birthday was coming up in three days....

School Valentines

2010-02-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

I don't like Valentines Day. There are many reasons why it just seems like an overpriced media hype in a culture where we are really don't need to spend even more money on things we really don't need. Besides, it tends to set couple up for failure. All of this expectation, but really shouldn't we treating each other nice every month or even week?

This brings me to school Valentines. Every year it sort of sneaks up on me. I know it's coming. But, I end up at the drug store on the corner, early before school starts, and signing stupid cards that the kids will just be throwing away as soon as they get home in an effort to get whatever candy they can find, as I'm trying to drop the kids off at school.

And every year, I tell myself I will do something fun and cool for the kids for Valentines...hasn't happened yet. Mainly because I don't think the kids would appreciate it. Not my kids, they love it when I do things, but the other kids in their classes just don't get it...Which brings up a good point - do I only do nice things for people who will appreciate it, or do I do nice things for everyone?

By the way, this is what I wanted to do: hot chocolate on a stick...still going to try it out, but probably just for family and friends. It looks so amazing! And if you are looking for some gifts to give, she has an awesome blog all about gift giving...

Story People

2010-01-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

Enough Fluid

I try not to cry about everything I've done wrong she said,

because I don't get enough fluids as it is already.

A few years ago, Darrin introduced me to the Story People. They write wonderful little poems, have several books, and he's an awesome artist too! You can sign up for a daily poem...

What's Blooming

2010-01-24T13:24:00.000-08:00

Here's what's blooming in my yard this weekend...

The Sad State of My Garden

2010-01-22T18:39:00.000-08:00

My garden did not perform well this past year. Actually, to say it was pretty bad would be an understatement! Part of the problem was that I did not give it the attention it deserved - just too much going on. Secondly, I did a huge expansion of the my original space. Because the ground was so compacted and terrible, I brought in loads and loads of compost as well as shredded leaves, horse manure, chicken manure, shredded bills, straw and just about anything else I could find and think of to use. Not sure the plants like this very much.

And the plants themselves just acted weird. I would get blooms, but no fruit set. Both the tomatoes and potatoes ended up with blight, and even the over producing squash just languished. I had one tomato plant that gave me one tomato. And three plants that didn't produce a single ripe tomato all year! The grapes weren't happy campers either.

The surprise star of the garden was the lone eggplant planted next to the driveway - It produced at least two dozen nice sized eggplants if not more.

I was going to plant a cover crop this fall and turn everything over and try again this spring, however the possibility of losing my house has me not wanting to put much effort into something I might not see.

As I'm writing this, I am reminded of a book I recently read, Farm City. It was a great book, full of humor and city-bound, homesteading insights, where the author farmed an empty plot next door with the constant threat of having everything torn down. But she did it anyway, for the love of growing and harvesting and seeing living things thrive.

I love to garden. That's why I became a Master Gardener. But lately, it has become just one more thing that's not getting done right. I guess that is my perfectionism/procrastination coming out - if it can't be done perfect, why do it at all?! And after all that hard work, to see everything just fail...

The state of my yard and garden is atrocious! But last weekend I got out there for a while and pulled all the dead plants out of the garden, cleaned out the chicken coop and spread it over the top of the beds and let the chickens in to scratch and claw away...I got out my seeds and garlic heads which I will plant when this deluge stops...If I get to harvest - that's just a bonus!

Brightening Things Up

2010-01-21T16:35:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to brighten things up a little in my house. When I originally decorated it, I was married and everything turned out very masculine. Not on purpose, but I didn't want it too girly. I love dark woods and warm colors. Well, that combination tends to be fairly masculine...

After the divorce I started lightening up a little. I replaced the gold curtains with white, I made bright happy pillows for the couch, I have a beautiful white duvet cover for the spring and summer. But, a lot of my furniture is still very dark and probably will be for quite a while - mainly because I have two growing, active, dirty little boys. A white couch is not conducive to anybody's sanity...

A few weeks ago, I found a pretty, light colored, cheap quilt to use as a table cloth. There is NO WAY I could have used one of the many (as in hundreds) of quilts in my family since my mother is a hard-core quilter and quilts are heirlooms and need to be protected...e.i. she gets mad if the boys use their quilts off their beds, as in dragging them around the house or any of the other things that boys do with blankets...

I painted some candlesticks that I have had for about 5 years white and moved them together with some white containers I have bulbs growing in.

I'm finding that I have been very attracted to romantic, peaceful looking spaces...maybe my imagination is trying to tell me something.

New Camera and Strap

2010-01-20T15:58:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting a nice camera for a very long time. I used to love photography and my dad was always very encouraging. He bought me used darkroom equipment and a nice, used camera when I was about 13 and it was something we shared together. However, after I found boys and moved away to college, photography sort of went by the wayside. Though I never lost my love of beautiful pictures and always "see" pictures wherever I am.

To say that digital photography has revolutionized the way we take and view pictures, is an obvious understatement. Both my father and I still have our film Minoltas and my dad has several very nice lenses to go with his. But all our photography stuff has been sitting in a corner unused.

After some research on new DSLRs, turns out, Sony bought out Minolta and their new DSLRs take the old Minolta lenses!!! But, I haven't been purchasing anything new. I have been thinking about this camera for the past 8 months or so...

One of the advantages to purging, is selling. I usually donate all of our unused stuff, but this time I decided to list my old books and textbooks on half.com. And they have been selling! Add that money to the unexpected money I received from Christmas, I had enough money to purchase my new camera.

Strangely, I think I might actually be a reformed shopaholic, because I have felt a little guilty about this purchase! Usually after purchasing something I really want - I'm completely excited and happy...

I've been trying to play around with my new camera when I have any spare time (which isn't much, unless it's after 10 pm and then I'm usually horizontal and mindless...)

All of this rambling is to say that I am embracing my new camera and will no longer feel guilty for buying something nice for myself...

Soon, I will be posting pictures! Hopefully, even some good ones...

So, look at the the beautiful strap!!!

I saw this tutorial a while back on Design Sponge, and I promptly made this while the battery was charging before I could even take a picture...

Photos

2010-01-14T09:38:00.000-08:00

I usually only get free apps for my iPhone. But, I found a couple of photo editing applications for only .99 cents! These are really easy and so much fun! I have no idea what I will do with these pictures, but for now, it's something fun and creative to do...

I've noticed in the shops at etsy and other design sites, people are re-creating the look of old time, toy cameras. As well as instant cameras. The look is really appealing to me, and these editing programs let you recreate that look with a touch of a button.

Here's a couple of edits that I did with a picture of Max from the beach:

original

Olives

2010-01-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

I went to Southern California this past weekend with the boys to visit my parents. They live just north of LA in a little tiny town that feels a million miles away from a big city. It's really strange because they are only 42 miles from LAX, but it is completely in the country. There is only one stop sign in the town, the closest gas station is 12 miles away, and no chain anything. They have a general store, two small restaurants, a hardware store and a couple of small stores have popped up recently.

This is where I grew up. When I was little, we had horses, goats, pigs, chickens, turkeys, and the occasional lamb. My mom milked the goats twice a day for milk, and we raised our animals for meat. Every year we had a huge garden and I know this is where I get my own homesteading desires from - even though I didn't know that's what we were doing.

My parents have two olive trees that are at least 35 years old. They have never picked the olives, just let the birds and chickens eat them. My mom said her mother cured olives - once. I have wanted to pick some for years, but never have. Life always seemed to get in the way. I really want to pick all of them and press them for oil, but with only two trees I don't know where I could take them to be pressed and doing it myself is definitely not an option.

So, I will try my hand at curing olives this next month. My mom gave me an antique crock she has had for years that is just like the one her mother used to use...

I will be happy when...

2010-01-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

I have a hard time being happy. For a reason that God only knows, I was born with a more somber personality. I’m not an Eyore, but I’m definitely not a Pollyanna either. I run kind of in the middle and have anxiety issues to boot.

I want to be happy. I want to be joyful. I want to be a person that makes others smile. I want to leave fear behind. I felt that I was on my way for a while and then life got in the way. For the past 6 and a half years I feel like I have been clawing my way out of a deep hole and trying to figure out who I am in the aftermath of my daughter’s death and then divorce.

Last year, I was asked by one of my dearest and oldest friends, “What happened to you? You used to be so full of life.”

This question really hurt, but as so many questions that evoke large emotional responses – was right on. What had happened to me? I can answer with a litany of things and situations, but more than that, it is my responses to those events that truly shape who I am.

I know that I am a different person than I used to be. Everyone grows and changes, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse; and most of us have a combination of the two. I’m not as happy-go-lucky as I used to be. I’m not as bitchy, not as much of a know-it-all, not as sure that everything will turn out the way I want it.

I don’t want to be Eyore. I don’t want to be angry, bitter, disappointed and I know that I have made HUGE inroads in that department! My faith is growing by leaps and bounds. I still have questions and am constantly working on trusting God in the midst of whatever is happening in my life. And this coming year already has some big challenges coming!

But for the first time in a very long time – I have hope…

My life is not the way I envisioned it. That doesn’t make it bad, just different. Right now, I am working on what I want my life to look like this next year. Not new year’s resolutions, but more a general feeling. What is important for me to have in my life? What makes me happy? What makes me smile? How can I leave fear behind?

So, my goal for this next year is to work on joy. To be joyful in the midst of whatever life is currently offering…With that in mind, the following is a poem that I have read over and over to myself. Every time, it helps remind me that there is nothing outside of myself that will make me happy. Not another person, not a new tv, not a house, or a garden…

The Station
By Robert Hastings

Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision.
We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent.
We are traveling by train.
Out the windows we drink in the passing scenes

of cars on nearby highways,
of children waving at a crossing,

of cattle grazing on a distant hillside,
of smoke pouring from a power plant,

of row upon row of corn and wheat,
of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hills,
of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination.
On a certain day, at a certain hour we will pull into the station.
Bands will be playing and flags will be waving.
Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true

and the pieces of our lives

will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle.
How restlessly we pace the aisles,
damning the minutes for loitering- waiting,
waiting, waiting for the station.

“When we reach the station, that will be it,” we cry!
“When I’m 18…” “When I buy a new BMW…”
“When I put the last kid through college…”

“When I have paid off the mortgage…”
“When I get a promotion…”

“When I reach retirement I shall live happily ever after!”

Sooner or later we must realize there is no station,
no one place to arrive at once and for all.
The true joy of life is the trip.
The station is only a dream.
It constantly outdistances us.

“Relish the moment” is a good motto,
especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24:
“This is the day which the Lord hath made;
we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
It isn’t the burdens of today that drive people mad.
It’s the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow.
Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles.
Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice-cream,
go barefoot more often, swim more rivers,

watch more sunsets,
laugh more, cry less – life must be lived as we go along.
The station will come soon enough.

Craft of the Day

2009-12-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

In my attempt at procrastination this morning, I was surfing a few of my favorite blogs. And found this adorable dish scrubber here. I thought it was cute and as an added bonus uses acrylic yarn (which I have lots of leftovers from years ago).

The theory behind it, is that acrylic yarn has fibers similar to microfibers and therefore is an excellent cleaning product, with or without soap!

It didn't take very long - maybe two hours, which seems to be the perfect amount of time for cleaning procrastination! Enough time to make me feel that I have wasted time, but not the whole day and I had something completed! I haven't used it yet, because I didn't want to use it tomato sauce... That is one downside to having a cute sponge. I love being on vacation!

Are we having fun yet?

2009-12-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

Maybe I am the only mother who does not look forward to the kids opening gifts. I love to give my kids presents - but they cause fights. Lots of fights. And we are not a fighting household. Generally, the kids are better than most kids - but they are still kids. And they are entering that age when competition and fairness are all consuming. It's not good enough they got a Wii for Christmas, it's who gets the #1 controller... Who gets to ride the new scooter, what color they get to pick for a game...you name it, they have found something to fight over. This morning they fought over who disliked church the most...Right now I am ready to tear my hair out, if I hear one more "MOOOOOOMMMMMM!?!?" today!

Santa Cluas

2009-12-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

I thought the idea of Santa Claus was a good one. I was raised with Santa and thought it would be good for my boys to have Santa too. But, since they spend quite a bit of time at Christmas with their father and his family, Santa comes about four different times each year in about 4 different locations. Explaining his existence and his ability to continually give gifts was easy with a quick - he's magic.

Not so easy anymore.

And, I'm starting to feel really guilty, because now they want these in depth explanations that really require lying. I don't want to do that. Because then what else will they start to question about what I have told them? I don't think I thought this through very well!

Some of the questions from this week:

"Is Santa alive?"

"When was he born?"

""But if St. Nicholas died, then did Santa come back to life like Jesus did?"

"Why does Santa come, when we are celebrating Jesus' birthday?"

Really, I just have lots of very lame answers...

Story of the Week

2009-12-23T10:12:00.000-08:00

Max wanted to wrap his gift to his teacher. Not really having a box, not to mention we were giving her several handmade things such as a necklace, soap and strawberry jam - I decided that a gift bag would be better. I got Max to agree to the bag and after loading it with everything, I handed it over to him.

"Mommy, where's the stuff?" His hand waving over the top of the bag.

"All the stuff is in it, honey"

"No, mommy. The stuff!"

"You mean, tissue paper?"

"Yes, the stuff!"

"Well, we don't really need it."

"Are you a maniac?! The whole point of wrapping a present mommy, is so you can't see inside it!"

I was schooled by a 5 year old...

Time

2009-12-22T08:02:00.000-08:00

If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things; if we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will we have the time to make the long, slow journey across the desert as did the Magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each one of us, there is a desert to travel. A star to discover. And a being within ourselves to bring to life.

- Author Unknown

Winter Solstice

2009-12-21T20:39:00.000-08:00

Winter Solstice.

Shortest day of the year.

The first day of winter.

This is the day when the sun just seems to go away, and in certain parts of the northern world - the sun never comes up.

Today, of all days always seemed to me more appropriate to be the end of the year. Tomorrow should be New Year's Day. After all, the sun returns tomorrow. The days start getting longer, almost imperceptibly at first (depending on your latitude), but within a week, it's noticeable that the sun is setting a little bit later every day. Our traditional New Year's Day seems so arbitrary somehow.

This is the day that I always take stock. Examine my life (even more than I normally do) and decide how I want to live my life in the coming year. I don't really make New Year's resolutions, instead I look at how the way I am living my life stacks up to the way I want to live my life. Some years, I'm more on track than others.

Many things have changed for me this year. Some of them I had planned and worked hard at for years. Others have been very unexpected and painful. This next year will have many more changes. Some will be painful - for example, I will be losing my house. But almost everything this next year is an opportunity for change, growth and new beginnings.

I don't know what is in store for me and my family this year, but I'm excited!

Today is also my birthday, the start of my new year...

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,

so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

- Joseph Campbell

Recycling for Labels

2009-12-19T16:39:00.000-08:00

I had a lot of fun last year making my Kahlua labels - I cut out pretty pictures/ads or other images that appealed to me and turned them into labels with a silver pen and a little glue.

I thought they turned out nice, and it was a little recycling to boot!

This year, I decided to cut up the J. Peterman catalog. I don't usually get catalogs, but I have always enjoyed reading this one. It's sort of fantasy and romance, mixed up consumerism...probably not good for me, since I am trying to significantly cut down on the whole consumerism thing! But, I thought the pictures and descriptions would make really fun labels - and they did! It's more fun for me since I get to see them all together and my recipients might not understand the whole fun factor for me. And I tried to match the items with the recipient. A friend who loves jewelry will be getting the label with the over-the-top necklace...

I also wrote a little description for the back label - very tongue in cheek. And again, I don't know if anyone would actually read it or get the jokes...but it was fun for me!

No Self Control

2009-12-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

There are a few things in life that I have almost no self control over. Dr. Pepper is one of them. I have tried many times in my life to give it up, mostly because I know it is bad for me and not to mention a budget buster. However, the main problem with giving it up seems to be that I like it. I don't really want to give it up, I just want it not to control me.

But what I have really noticed this year is Girl Scout cookies. Shouldn't be much of a problem since they are only available once a year. This year I bought many boxes. Somewhere around the 8 mark...and I ate them all fairly quickly...as in a week. But, I reasoned with myself I was writing my thesis, my sister was just diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer and she and her family were moving in with me, while I wasn't even home and I was in the middle of the semester from hell...

Well, yesterday we went to Target. Max saw a cookie display next to the register and started the all out adorable campaign to convince me to buy some for me. Yes, the child tries to use my own desires against me to get what he wants, and yes this very much scares me for his future. (Doesn't usually work and we don't have cookies or candy just sitting around our house.) However, this time it worked. Mainly since I was in the mood for something sweet and he was being adorable, not obnoxious.

This was a big mistake. BIG.

Apparently, Keebler has ripped off the Girl Scouts and produces Grasshoppers, which are almost identical to Thin Mints, my cookie nemesis. I think the boys got 4 cookies each before the package was entirely eaten by me. All of them. I couldn't stop. And I want more. What do they put in these things?!

Growing Up

2009-12-09T07:36:00.000-08:00

As I dropped off my eldest at school this morning, I leaned over to give him a kiss just like normal...and he said no...

This is a HUGE deal for me. We are a very touchy, feely, kissy family. I expected this to happen, but not so soon. He is only 7 - I thought I had a least another year. And I have repeatedly told myself that my nephew, who is almost 21, never stopped kissing his mother...I really do want to raise a self-sufficient, loving, caring, independent adult...I just want him to still love me...

Christmas Gifts

2009-12-08T10:47:00.001-08:00

It's that time of year again, so we spent the weekend making Christmas gifts. I made soap - two kinds of Castille soap (one plain, and one rosemary-mint), and a lavender soap unsing a different recipe. Ryan keeps walking by the rosemary-mint and asking if I can cook something that smells like that!

Ryan helped harvest the mint and we also made tea. Well, more like dried mint leaves, but it makes a wonderfully refreshing tea that helps calm upset tummys. (Which really comes in handy around my house!) The tea came out so good, I think we will harvest as much as we can and that will make a great gift too. While I was researching mint tea, I ran across a couple of recipes with rose hips...that got me thinking. Would my laziness from this summer of not pruning actually turn out a decent Christmas present? Apparantly, rose hips are amazingly nutritious and supposedly taste good to boot! So, sometime this week, I will go harvest my rose hips to add to the mint, for some absolutely delicious, homemade tea.

And of course, no Christmas gift making session would be complete without Kahlua. Lots and lots of kahlua. But, since I haven't been drinking much wine, I don't have the empty wine bottles to fill up! I'm sure I can think of something...

Photos

2009-12-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

My nephew came over for Thanksgiving and brought his camera! He has started a photography business and I absolutely love it when he comes over...now I just need to actually get some prints to replace the ones that have been on my wall for over five years...

Hospital

2009-11-03T12:27:00.000-08:00

Max had his first trip to the Emergency Room last week. He decided that it would be a good idea to play on top of my car. When I came outside to suggest that it really wasn't a good idea, he slid head first down the hood and landed on his head on the cement. Blood pouring out his nose...

After several hours in the ER, he was pronounced fine and he was pretty much done with sitting and waiting around...

No 'Poo Update

2009-10-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

The no 'poo thing is kinda weird. I guess it really goes back to re-defining normal. Apparently, your hair goes through a detox stage after you stop using detergents to strip your hair and then have to add in other nasty stuff to be able to pull a comb through it again.

The first few days were fine. It was a little strange sprinkling baking soda into my scalp and rubbing it in. It didn't feel like I was cleaning my hair. No lather. And my hair didn't have that squeaky clean feeling. The vinegar rinse really helped de-tangle. I have had quite an issue of late trying to brush my hair at all, let alone when wet.

At about day 4, however things started to change. Most of my hair felt like a pile of straw. It was dry. Dry, dry, dry. Yet, strangely also felt greasy. I have no idea how it could be both dry and greasy at the same time, but there it was and I was not happy.

I used more baking soda. Which helped with the greasiness, but made it even more dry. I tried adding a slight amount of coconut oil to the ends. Now it was just dry but looked even greasier. So, after all else, I get online and look for a solution.

One of the problems with going more natural, is the lack of consistency or recipes. Whether this is with hair or cleaning solutions, it seems to be add a little of this and a little of that and there you go.

From what little I could understand, I was using too much baking soda. (And I possibly have hard water.) So, instead of using a paste, I am mixing a tablespoon of soda with a cup of water and pouring over my head rubbing it into my scalp. I also mixed up a solution of honey, apple cider vinegar and water to use as a rinse.

This worked beautifully! (Or my hair is done with detox and anything would have worked...) I went 3 days between washing and my hair didn't look oily until day 4. I washed it again this morning and it feels soft and is much curlier than normal. Maybe I hit on the right solution. I will keep trying it to see if this will be a long range plan...

One unexpected note however. The baking soda has stripped the dye out of my hair. I had no idea how much gray hair I had!!!

Branding for Children

2009-10-09T12:16:00.000-07:00

Recent conversation between Max and I:

"Mom, we drive a Honda."

"Yes, we do."

"Dad drives a Honda."

"No, dad drives a Toyota."

Max thinking for a minute. "You mean there are two types of Toyotas?"

Slightly confused I reply, "What do you mean two types?"

"Well, there's the car type like daddy drives. And then there's the toyota from Star Wars."

Once I figured out he was saying toy Yoda, I laughed so hard I cried! It's amazing how their brains work! If I could only climb inside, I would probably be amazed and enthralled with the world all over again...

Boys

2009-10-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

Boys are different than girls. I have said that to my boys many times, but I apparently it is more than skin deep.You see, my boys are BOYS. No piece of furniture is safe while they are around. Cushions and pillows are used as weapons, or even better - turned into forts. Comforters, pillows and other assorted soft things, turn into a "safe" landing spot from jumping off of the ledge above their closet. (Doesn't seem to matter that we have wood floors, the pillows will slip out from under them and they will crack their skulls open...)

I have a large mud hole that is growing in the middle of what little lawn I have left. They could have chosen a dirt part of the yard to "dig their new fort." They consistently try to take their playhouse apart, or add on to it, or scale it's heights...

For the most part, I understand and try not to set too many limits on their creativity and imagination, but sometimes I just don't get it. For example, why do they insist on entering and exiting the car from the windows?

Last night, we went to the park. We don't do it very often, because quite frankly they have a park in their back yard. However, I couldn't see any reason not to go, so there we were. I thought I could get a little reading done...yeah, not so much. Every time I looked up they were scaling the play structure from another vantage point in which it was not meant to be scaled. They were urging each other on to new heights and on to new danger. Several times, I heard myself yelling "stop that - I will not be going to the hospital tonight!!!"

The other parents just looked at me like I was was the worst mom ever, as their children were happily being pushed on the swings or going down the little kiddie practice slides...just wait! Some of you had boys. One day, you too will have to take them to the hospital!

Preservation

2009-10-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

I spent most of Sunday making strawberry jam. I stopped by the fruit stand next to my house after church, and they had day-old strawberries - a huge box for $8. Score!!! Although after completely filling up my big pot - I started to wonder if this was such a good idea.

I also made strawberry ice cream and dried the rest of them for use in other goodies. It's kind of disheartening however, when three full trays in the dehydrator, only make a very small child's bowl of dried fruit!

And since I already had the dehydrator going, Max and I made some plum fruit leather. The way everything gets eaten so quickly around here, make me wonder how people with large family can preserve enough stuff to actually make it through the winter. And we don't really even have winter here! We live in a valley where we grow food year round. The farmer's market never closes and they are still harvesting strawberries. I would have to be preserving everyday, all day long to store up enough stuff to keep my kids from just devouring everything in site!

I'm not complaining that my kids are good eaters...just thinking how hard it would be to grow and preserve enough food to live on...and they aren't even teenagers yet!!

My kids LOVE pickles. Actually, I'm not sure that word in strong enough. They will go through a huge jar from Sam's Club in a week if I let them. So, I picked up a couple bags of cucumbers and made pickles too. Knowing my kids, this wont last long, so maybe I should pick up some more...

I didn't make my own pickling liquid, but picked up a packet at the store. not sure it was such a good idea, since when I mixed it all together, it was this bright yellow color that completely stained my sink...

End of Summer

2009-10-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was over 100 degrees. I didn't think it would be the last weekend of summer, since summer tends to last around here until Thanksgiving. We decided to go up to the lake and go fishing. Well, the fish weren't anywhere around, but the lake was awesome!

Recycling

2009-09-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

My youngest son wanted to take yogurt to school for a snack. I still buy the small cups of yogurt for the kids to take to school, especially since Ryan's favorite does not come in a big container. However, the funny part of this story is that when I was putting his yogurt and spoon in his backpack, my little one looks up and says,"I'll have to bring it home."

A little confused, I looked at him and said, "bring what home honey?" (I was thinking the spoon, but he is already really good at bringing the bags and silverware back.)

"My yogurt."

"Umm, if you are just going to bring it home, then why do you want to take it for a snack?"

"Well, they don't have a recycling can for me to put it into."

Oh, I get it now - my brainwashing has worked...No wonder I was confused!

No 'Poo

2009-09-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

Strange title. At least it was to me the first time I read it several months ago. But what seems strange to someone when you are first starting a journey has a habit of becoming normal after a while. In fact, I just read a blog entry on re-defining normal.

This got me to thinking about my own life and what I define as normal. I know that to many of my friends and family, I am anything but normal. I have always been the odd man out and quite frankly - that strange tree hugger. As I have gotten older, some of them have come around and even more strange, I have realized that my mom and dad were actually quite revolutionary themselves - just using different words.

After all, I did grow up in the country, where we grew our own food, and raised our own animals. My mom milked the goats twice a day, composted and shot the squirrels over her fruit trees. She timed our showers so we wouldn't waste our water (we had a well and our own septic system). And frequently during the summer, I would wake up and she had already canned a dozen peaches/tomatoes/pears/jams...

I so wanted to be just normal when I was growing up! My mother made a lot of my clothes and we didn't have TV. All I wanted was to have new clothes from the store and watch television like the other kids at school! I guess however, that some of the things have stuck and now that I have my own children, I want to raise them in the country with our own animals and food...

Re-defining normal is also happening on my spiritual journey. What I once considered strange and odd, is something I now desire. I want a deeper, more personal connection with my God. Where I once saw him as a personal kill-joy, I now see as a source of joy, love and contentment.

Okay, those were really deep thoughts considering the topic is supposed to be about shampoo! And that is what the no 'poo experiment is all about. I have been going progressively greener for many years. I believe that what we put in our environment, on and in our bodies makes a difference to our health and well being.

I stopped using commercial cleaners about 8 years ago when I got pregnant with my first son. I couldn't handle the fumes and chemicals. I started making my own cleaners and I absolutely love them! I did take a break and started using Mrs. Myers cleaners because a friend of mine had a store and I wanted to support her. And I loved the way they smelled! But, I did go back to my trusted recipes for household cleaners. (Maybe that's a good future post.)

I started making my own soap. Nothing compares to handmade soap and everybody keeps asking for more. I make my own toothpaste - and love it! So, after reading about all the chemicals in shampoos and conditioners and how they are absorbed into your scalp, I realized this was more than just how ridiculously expensive hair products are. I decided to do the no 'poo experiment.

The theory is that you use baking soda to clean your scalp and hair, followed by a vinegar rinse. I tried it this morning and other than the lack of lather, everything seemed fine. So, I'll keep you updated and let you know how it goes! And if it works I'll give recipes too...

First Day of School

2009-09-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

So, I realize that I'm pretty late on these pictures, but I just haven't been in the mood to be on the computer lately...But here are pictures of the first day of school.

Ryan made it to second grade!!

Max started kindergarten...He's in afternoon kindergarten which means he has to eat lunch before he goes to school.

So, I told him we would go to a special lunch...he picked Target. He decided he wanted pizza and a slushy. The differences between my boys are huge! Ryan picks teppan yaki, and Max picks Target - go figure!

Kombucha

2009-09-07T11:19:00.000-07:00

I made Kombucha. And before I start my story, you need to know that Kombucha is fermented tea. The theory is fairly similar to vinegar. You start with a strong batch of sweetened tea, add the proper bacteria, cover and let ferment. After a week or so, the little beasties have eaten the sugar and the caffeine and you are left with a carbonated, tangy, slightly sweet drink.

Kombucha is supposed to be very healthy for you, it has been around for thousands of years in Japan and China. Many other cultures have similar drinks based on their local diets. Russians have kvass, and kefir and it is also somewhat related to yogurt and kimchi. In other words the fermentation process and live bacteria are good for digestion and your body.

I started drinking kombucha several months ago when my niece brought be some from Whole Foods. Unbeknownst to her, I had been reading about it, but she gave it me saying this looks like something you would drink…I tried it and was hooked. But, it is expensive!!! $3.99 for a 16 oz bottle. After several months of thinking, I decided to make it myself.

This is actually my second batch… the first one didn’t turn out too well. I ordered a SCOBY (Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast) on eBay for the first batch. The SCOBY is the thing that floats on top and looks like a thick pancake – it also has all the necessary beasties to safely make this without mold growing on it. When the SCOBY arrived in the mail, it was a flimsy, barely there floating thingy in some liquid. It didn’t look at all like pictures I had seen online. I followed the instructions anyways, covered it and put it in a dark place. After several days there was mold growing on top. The SCOBY wasn’t growing and I decided that this needed to be thrown out.

Several weeks later, I decided to try again. I didn’t want to buy something online again, so I decided to try to make my own SCOBY from the store bought stuff. Since this is a raw, unpasteurized drink, even though it’s filtered it still has the good organisms in it. I drank about half the bottle, poured the other half into a wide mouth jar, covered with a paper towel and a week later had a nice thick pancake looking SCOBY on top. I made strong tea, sweetened it and put the SCOBY in.

A few days later, my mother came up to visit and kept asking if she could throw everything out – because this was obviously not something edible! This is what it looked like after fermenting for 8 days. I strained it and bottled it to increase the carbonation. (It looks fine from the side...In fact, you can't really tell anything is going on unless you lift the towel as in this photo...)

This batch turned out! I even was brave enough to drink it! And I do have to say, that my very Western trained brain was screaming at me that this would kill me…The real issue for me however was when my oldest son came in and begged to try it.

He loves kombucha and knew that we were making it…After I strained it, I finally let him have a little, just because honestly, this stuff looks gross…He loved it and kept asking for more. Several days have passed and we all seem to be fine, so I guess this was a success! I have a few more batches going on the counter and am now experimenting with adding flavors like dried cranberries. However, Ryan says this stuff tastes better than the stuff we got at the store!

Here is a list of purported health benefits from drinking kombucha:
-strengthens the Immune system

- detoxifies, cleansing the blood

- heals and strengthens the Digestive tract

- plays a vital role in regenerating bowel flora

- lengthens the life span

- is a health remedy against chickenpox and shingles

- reduces the formation of wrinkles

- discourages the formation of cancer

- prevents adverse menopausal symptoms

- restores visual acuity

- heals arthritis

- enhances sexual drive

- heals sweaty feet, constipation, joint and back pains

- heals abscesses

- heals blocked arteries and diabetes

- strengthens kidneys

- heals cataracts and heart disease

- restores the appetite and heals sleeping disorders

- reduces the chance of gall stones and liver problems

- reduces obesity and stops diarrhea

- heals hemorrhoids

- helps to restore color to gray hair and improves baldness

- encourages body rejuvenation

Of course none of these statements have been evaluated by the FDA, but the Chinese have been using this for centuries to maintain or regain health. For me, it’s helping me get away from my addiction to Dr. Pepper and if it helps my digestion well then that's just an added bonus!

To cane or not to cane…

2009-08-16T02:47:00.000-07:00

I have an old (not really old, just not taken care of) beautiful teak and cane chair. It used to be in a friend’s house until his girlfriend moved in. She didn’t like it, so it went outside – in the rain, and scorching sun of the Central Valley. After a year or so, I noticed the poor thing and asked for it. She immediately said yes, they were just going to take it to the dump. However, I had just started school, so the poor thing lived on my patio for the past three years. At least it was protected from the elements, but still…

My friend Andi came over the other day and said she would just use fabric….of course, her idea was a little more involved including leather straps and rivets, but it got me thinking about using fabric that I already had. Here was my dilemma – would just fabric hold using staples? I don’t know the long-term answer. I think stronger, thicker fabric would be better, but this was the fabric I had and so here is my fabulous new chair! And even if I have to replace the fabric in a year or two, it was free and really easy.

And, the whole thing including sanding and staining only took a couple of hours, if I had known that I would have done it years ago.

Reuphupolstering

2009-08-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of reupholstering lately, and not all of it has been furniture for me! My friend, Amy is in the process of setting up her new office and finding a garage sale chair and ottoman as well as an old chair in her own house has really helped keep down her budget. Some spray paint and some sweat have transformed these chairs into something fun and funky to work with Jr. High kids! Of course, in the mean time, my old couch is staring at my forlornly….

Before:

After:

I forgot to take an after picture of the ottoman, but I recovered it in the squiggly fabric on the back of the chair.

Purging

2009-08-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of purging my entire house. I am going room by room trying to get all of the excess junk, stuff and accumulated things gone and streamlined. It’s amazing how much better I feel when my house is in order. However, I find that I do a lot more yelling at the kids when the house is clean! I don’t want to be mean, but it’s amazing how fast two little boys can completely trash a whole house. Seriously, it takes them about 2.7 minutes…

End of Summer

2009-08-13T02:23:00.000-07:00

As our summer break is winding down, I took the kids down to see my parents for a few days. And wow, what boy filled days they were!!! They learned how to shoot a bow and arrow. They learned the proper technique for shooting a BB gun, including how to figure out which is the dominant eye.

Ryan started learning to play the guitar...

We went to La Brea Tar Pits and saw all the bones of the animals and the tar still oozing out of the ground. (Made me wonder what is under all those buildings next door…)

Max got to ride one of the horses. Ryan still stays away since he remembers the emergency trip to the doctor's office because he swelled up and couldn't breath...

And they were excited to be able to use the sewing machine for the first time and make their own sandwich/snack bags. (Okay, so the last one was not so boy-y, but they were proud of what they made and mom finished off the Velcro…)

Hopefully, I'll be selling these in the next few days/weeks. But, not the ones they made, of course.

Potluck

2009-08-12T02:22:00.000-07:00

I have been part of a mom’s group at church for the past five years. It has been a wonderful source of support and inspiration for me during some of the most difficult times of my life. And it's just fun!

We have gotten together for many non-scheduled days to hang out and let the little ones play, however we have never gotten together as families. For me, not such a big deal since I am the only single mom in the group – I always bring my family!

We had a potluck at my house this past Sunday evening and it was so much fun! My sister came out at one point and asked how many kids were there and how many each family had…There were kids everywhere!!!! I loved it! I love using my house to entertain, I have set it up so it is kid friendly (because if it hasn’t been broken by now, it can’t be broken…), but I rarely get the chance to entertain anymore…I definitely need to do this more often.

So, thank you to everyone who came! We need to do this again.

Slow Food

2009-08-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of the slow food movement. After all, I absolutely love food. Well, good food. I can fore go eating if my only choices are fast food. (Which is really not good for me or the people around me.) There have been many a night where something like crackers have been dinner because nothing else in the house was good.

But back to the slow food movement. It's an organization dedicated to preserving traditional food. I can get on board with that! Additionally, they believe that the best way to preserve traditional breeds that are going extinct is to get people to eat them. Sounds counter intuitive, yet increase demand and supply will increase.

I have bought Heritage Turkeys for Thanksgiving in the past. In fact, one Thanksgiving I cooked a heritage turkey, a traditional turkey and a wild turkey so we could taste-test them side by side. Let me tell you, that heritage turkey made me a believer. It actually had flavor and texture, and you know - that turkey could still actually have sex (well before they killed it for us).

I would raise heritage breed turkeys and chickens if it wasn't for that whole plucking thing. I've already done it and it does not hold good memories for me. It might be different now that I am an adult and it would feed me and my children...hhhmmm

However, one of my problems is that I am impatient. This too might be an understatement, but there it is. It's not that I don't cook from scratch; most everything I do cook is from scratch. I can whip up a fresh tomato sauce in slightly more time than it takes to open a can, but most of my meals in the past 8 years (since I got pregnant the first time), have been of the 30 minute variety. A few of them go longer, but really it's all about getting a good dinner on the table as fast as possible.

Again, this is not to say, that they are not fresh - just fast.

As we are getting home from the conciliatory ice cream after stitches this morning, my sister tells me that we have a ton of eggplant. My eggplants are planted in the strip between my driveway and my neighbors yard and she normally parks on that side of the driveway. So, apparently it was time to make eggplant Parmesan.

This is not a quick dish. This takes slicing eggplant, draining in salt, dredging, frying, baking, making tomato sauce...Today it was even slower since halfway through I realized we were out of pasta.

Completely out.

No pasta of any kind in the house.

I really don't understand how this is possible, but it happened.

I used to make my own pasta in college and this was hands down every one's favorite dish of mine. There is nothing like fresh pasta. And surprisingly, it is extremely easy albeit extremely messy to do.

The dough takes about 3 minutes. I figured the boys would help roll it and cut it in my pasta machine - no problem. Except the pasta machine that I haven't used since college, doesn't really cut the dough. More of an imprint really.

So, now I have been cooking for almost 2 hours. And we have pasta looking type stuff. More of sheets with spaghetti imprints and globs of dough. We put it in the boiling water, waited about a minute and drained it. I threw on the eggplant, a little extra sauce and served the boys. Ryan said it was the best meal he had ever eaten and could I make this every night? Max said yum, but halfway through decided he didn't like the purple skin; but he ate everything else as long as it wasn't purple.

The good point of all this is that our meal completely came out of my garden! This made me so happy and willing to take the time to do this. (I also made another one to put in the freezer.) Everything except the oil and the flour - I grew!

Lately, I have been feeling frustrated and sad regarding my gardening capabilities. I have thought that if my family was dependent on me and my garden for food - we'd be starving. But tonight, tonight we had tomatoes, garlic, onions, basil, oregano, eggplant, eggs and an old pasta machine for the most unbelievable pasta ever!!! This was slow food. And it was good.

But now I have flour over every surface of the kitchen and dining room...

Beach Last Week

2009-08-11T14:51:00.000-07:00

I woke up one day last week and said we had to get out of the heat! It had been over a hundred for a while, so off to the beach for day we went...What an awesome day!

Stiches

2009-08-11T13:57:00.000-07:00

Since we have a less than two weeks before school starts, I have plans. Lots and lots of plans and things I wanted to get done before school starts and work begins in earnest. This morning I'm sitting on my patio eating breakfast with my sister and we hear a blood-curdling scream. Ryan comes running out of the house holding his forehead screaming. I run over and blood is spurting out of a gash just over his eyebrow.

This is more than a small cut. It is deep. I can see white. I get him calmed down and a damp towel pressed on it to stop the bleeding. Janette runs across the street to get the ER doctor, but he's not home.

I call the doctor's office and they say they can fit us in...almost 3 hours later, Ryan has two stitches. And joy, joy we already had an appointment for tomorrow, so we get to go back!

He got to choose either Sonic or In-N-Out for lunch and a shake!

Bran Muffins

2009-07-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy a good bran muffin. I know that some people believe that is an oxymoron, however if they are made right they can be light and wonderful. However, I don't like raisins, especially in food. They remind me of flies. I know that I have a weird texture thing, but i just can't get over it. I don't even like oatmeal raisin cookies. Now, give me the chance to inhale an oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and look out...

I found a recipe on line for six week bran muffins. This particular recipe uses bran cereal, which I happened to have on hand from Trader Joe's (I love their bran cereal not to be confused with flakes and raisins). I understand that it costs less not to use cereal in a recipe, but I have yet to find a way to make these without it...I am trying.

I was going to have a ton of people in my house in addition to the ton that already live here and I thought I would whip up a batch of these and at least be off the hook for breakfast and snacks. (I also happen to love these muffins and have been known to eat them for several meals throughout the day.) After all, the recipe make 18 dozen, which is why the name is 6 week bran muffins - the batter is supposed to last in your fridge for six weeks. I just want to know who has a large enough refrigerator to hold this sheer amount of batter? I usually cut the recipe in fourths or at least a third which the site that I get this recipe from, will cut the ingredients for you so you don't have to do the math (very nice when you are making these at 11 at night)!

But when I got on line to retrieve my favorite recipe, the site was down. I couldn't find the same recipe anywhere! I ended up making some that were similar, but definitely not as good. So I cut the recipe in half and have decided to post it here so I will always have it, Internet or not!

Six Week Bran Muffins (With my changes)

3 cups boiling water
3 cups whole bran cereal (I substitute 1 cup cereal for 1 cup bran)
1-1/2 cups shortening (I use butter)
4-1/2 cups white sugar (I have reduced the sugar and added molasses, which tastes awesome but not everybody has molasses on hand...not really sure why I do, but I do...)
6 eggs
6 cups buttermilk (I never have buttermilk on hand, but I usually do have plain yogurt, so I use 3 cups plain yogurt and 3 cups milk instead)
7-1/2 cups all-purpose flour (For half of the flour, I use a mix of flours including oat flour, whole wheat, and brown rice. I try to keep at least half all-purpose flour to keep the gluten high enough not to have a hockey puck.)
2 tablespoons and 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1-1/2 teaspoons salt
6 cups whole bran cereal (I substitute a cup or two with oats)

DIRECTIONS

In a large bowl, add boiling water to the first 3 cups of bran cereal, cool.
Cream butter, sugar, eggs, and buttermilk together. Add to bran mixture. Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt. Fold in the 6 cups of bran cereal. Stir only until moistened.
Bake in a preheated 425 degree F (220 degree C) oven for 20 to 25 minutes. (I also sprinkle on top some oatmeal and a little brown sugar, makes a nice crust the punks absolutely love!)

Projects

2009-07-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

Since the heat is relegating me to inside projects, I am trying to get a few things done. I really need to tackle my house room by room and do a massive purge. Three years of graduate school with toddlers and my sister and her family moving in have created clutter and confusion (I was trying to think of a nice way to say disaster).

What I have done instead is decide to re-cover my dining room chairs in clearance fabric I picked up for $7. I got all three boys in one this one. They were so excited to get to take things apart and not get in trouble for it and bonus for me it took a few hours! I was too busy supervising three boys with scissors, screwdrivers and a staple gun to actually get a pic with any of them doing work...

Paint and recover a $3 garage sale chair.

And tackle an antique couch I picked up for $15...this one is going to take a while...

Summer Happenings

2009-07-19T22:27:00.000-07:00

I haven’t been writing much lately, since we are in the throes of summer around here. I have started working, which is bittersweet…I’m very excited to have a job (and one that I just spent years in school for!), but it takes time away from the punks I call my children. These particular punks require constant supervision if I would like my house to continue to shelter us. A wonderful example is last week when my father was watching them in the pool, they managed to go around to the front of the house, open the gate, get one of the bikes, bring it into the back yard, hoist it into the pool (which is over 4 feet off the ground) and ride the bike in the pool. (They do have amazing creativity and team work!)

We have also been doing everything we can to not die from heat stroke. Right now it is 10 at night and it is 101 degrees outside. It’s starting to cool off from the 110 of earlier. I said chuck it all, and we went to the movies to use their air conditioning! However, the heat is awesome for drying laundry...it dries almost before I get back in the house!

Not only are we having a difficult time with the heat, my garden is sad and pathetic. I would like to blame it all on the heat, but the truth is…my garden has not done well from the very start this year. My third planting of beans has pretty much dried up – and I didn’t get a single bean from any of the plants. I have planted my zucchini, squash and cucumbers four times now and they all keep dying.

I have never had this problem before and I think it is my soil. I brought in many, many truckloads of compost from the city along with straw, horse manure, chicken coop clean outs, shredded paper, shredded leaves, worm castings…and everything is dying in these new beds. I have not picked a single pepper and my plants are barely surviving. Both the peppers and tomatoes have blossom end rot and something (not a tomato horn worm) is eating my tomato plants and marking up my tomatoes (on the good parts, away from the blossom end rot, the little suckers had to damage the edible parts).

The chickens ate my corn seedlings and my melon vines are the same size as when I planted them back in April. Needless to say, I am frustrated. If I had to survive off my garden, we would be starving right now! There is also the issue of hard work. I was really excited to see the fruits of my labors…Thank God for all the Farmer’s Markets around me so I can eat the fruits of other peoples work!

One of the other problems we encounter gardening in this valley is the intense heat. Instead of having one enormously long season from late March to mid November, we have two short seasons separated by a long, dry, HOT summer. The news said something about the next 30 days being over a 100 degrees…and plants just shut down. And really who could blame them, I don’t want to do anything in this heat either!

As much as I am frustrated with my food endeavors at the moment, I know I will keep trying and I am already starting to think of what I can plant this fall…In fact, I just harvested the tiny little seeds from my lettuces yesterday. As part of the seed to seed challenge, I let my lettuces go to seed instead of pulling them out when they bolted...and I now have lettuce to plant in a few months when I can go back outside in daylight hours.

However, I did get 6 eggs today! The teenage chickens are laying these tiny little things…very cute. And I’ve gotten a few of these tiny, paper-thin eggs that you can’t touch. I added some Oyster Shell to their diet so hopefully the shells will get a little harder.

Just to let you know that I am also counting my blessings in the midst of my complaining - We got to see the new Harry Potter movie today, I didn’t cook a single meal for any of the 15 thousand people in my house today, and my punks bring me so much joy it physically hurts to look at them sometimes! Of course, I’m watching them sleep as I type this when they are even more adorable and not getting into trouble! We had an awesome afternoon just the three of us.

Chicken Therapy

2009-07-14T20:42:00.001-07:00

Ryan in his new Ninja costume (didn't tell them they were pj's) from Chinatown.

I spent the evening in my backyard watching my chickens. I tried to block out the weeds that need to be pulled, the humongous amount of work that needs to be done and the various kids’ toys, clothes and towels strewn about the backyard. I find sitting and watching my chickens eat bugs and scratch the ground is very soothing.

Tonight I had a difficult time being soothed. I had a meeting with my ex-husband this afternoon to discuss the direction we are going to take with our oldest son. We got his diagnosis last week, and the news wasn’t encouraging. I knew that he was having a lot of problems, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so complicated. As the psychologist said, “he has a long row to hoe…”

Part of this decision is whether or not to put him on meds. I can’t stand the thought and would do anything I could to stop this. Yet, I already have. I have taken him to a holistic doctor and chiropractor. I have completely changed his diet. He isn’t allowed to play video games. He stays outside, runs, plays, builds things and uses his creativity. We have tried behavioral modification…but the bottom line is his brain isn’t functioning the way it supposed too and this is having major ramifications for his self-esteem, confidence and ability to function.

I hurt so much for my son, but there is hope and we are pursuing it. Of course, my ex’s first response was how much was this going to cost which then turned into 45 minutes of him telling me to let my house foreclose, how I needed to get a better job, and that maybe I should only have the boys on the weekend, so I could work more.

I already barely contain it when they go to their dad’s, there is no way I would let them be raised by his nanny…I really don’t understand this man who I was married to, could possibly think that I would EVER let something like that happen. I will work when they are at school, and the nights they are at their dad’s. But I would sell everything I owned and find a room to rent before…

Sometimes life is very complicated and difficult to be soothed. I am trusting that everything will work out. I know it will. I know that sounds like I am trying to convince myself, but after walking through the last 7 years, I know I can face anything. I won’t always like it, and it doesn’t always turn out the way you expected…but, I will thrive where I’m planted – and so will my kids!

San Francisco

2009-07-10T15:58:00.000-07:00

I just spent three fabulous days in San Francisco with a good friend of mine. We both just graduated from graduate school and decided to go on a trip instead of giving each other gifts. She had to take some visiting Germans to the SF airport so we decided to just stay up there and enjoy some gorgeous weather and amazing food!

Cooking with Kids

2009-07-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Last night my kids helped me cook dinner. This isn't unusual for our family, and in fact they help me cook a lot.

This dinner was special for me since most of it came out of our garden and they were so excited.

They cut up the tomatoes, the mozzarella and the basil for our tomato salad. Then they put in a little salt, some balsamic vinegar and olive oil. The really fun part was when they were tasting it to decide if it needed anything else and to make sure the proportions were right.

They stood there next to each other discussing whether or not it had enough vinegar or just needed more salt. I was so proud and excited. Maybe this is something that shouldn't get me excited and happy, but they are 5 and 7. They were eating tomatoes and wanted more!

Then I dug up a few potatoes, gently boiled them until tender. Ryan put butter and a little cream and slightly mushed them around. Max tasted to see if they needed some salt.

Library

2009-07-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

I love books.

As part of my no consumerism, slower year I'm trying the library. This is huge for me. I love books. Did I mention that I love books?

Books have been my friends for years. They are my constant companions. I travel, I cook, I dream, I learn all through books. Books have the power to transform me into another person, in another life and sometimes a different world.

Given the choice between TV and a book, 99% of the time the book will win out. And in fact, if I do watch TV, I am usually also reading a book at the same time.

I read when I'm lonely, sad, bored, in pain, to relax and even to procrastinate. I can't think of a day when I don't read. I read when I go to bed and sometimes my idea of a perfect day is to be alone with a book. There have been times when the boys are at their dad's that I can stay in bed with a book for most of the day...

I re-read books. I also re-watch movies; and have no problems knowing the plot ahead of time - it is still just as entertaining to me.

I like to own books. A perfect evening for me would be to go to dinner and then a book store. I can stay in there for hours - browsing, looking, reading, coveting.

However, I am seriously trying to cut down on my consumerism. Books are expensive. Yes, they are my constant companions. Yes, when I can't sleep I will go pull a favorite off the shelf and start reading. But how many books can someone own?

When I clean my house, it always involves moving books around. It's not quite so bad this past month since my very large stacks of books for graduate school have been put away. But, there are probably at least three books on my bed, a few on my nightstand, the kitchen counter, the couch, my car, my purse the kitchen table...I have boxes of books in storage (although these came from my ex mother-in-law, and I haven't been able to go through them yet).

My parents are also avid readers. When we go garage saling, my mom always buys lots of books for about 25 cents a piece. She buys the detective books, crime, police stories. I'm an equal opportunity reader. As long as it isn't a romance novel, I'm good to go! My mom and I trade books and most of those either end up in our own garage sales or the used book store. If my dad gives me a book, I know it's good. I don't think I have ever seen him read a book of fiction, and he is probably the smartest person I have ever met!

A friend gave my a gift certificate to Amazon for graduation. While looking online today for several books that I had been wanting, I decided that as part of paring down and not purchasing, I would utilize the library. This is really hard for me. I know that if I find an awesome book that needs to be on my shelf I can always purchase it later, but I really love that instant satisfaction of having a new book and ensconcing myself someplace comfy.

Most of the books I am currently interested in are about sustainability, making a life from scratch, slowing down and enjoying life. Apparently other people that are also interested in these things - also frequent the library! Every book I wanted was already on hold for someone else and in fact I was 6th in line for one of them!

This has made me think about the role of books in my life. I really turn to them for my escape. It has also made me think about why Ryan's difficulty with reading has been so hard for me. I want my children to enjoy reading. I want the world to open up for them. But reading is hell for my oldest. I will do everything I can to help make reading easier for him, but I also have to accept the fact that reading just might not be his thing.

Recently, I have started reading blogs. They have become a good replacement for travel and cook books! I found the following book on one of my favorite blogs that combines living in France with amazing cooking. She has a really good review if your interested here.

By the way, I did decide to use part of my gift certificate for a book:

Eating Alone

2009-07-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

I’m reading a book right now titled, Alone in the Kitchen with an Eggplant: Confessions of Cooking for One and Dining Alone. It is a collection of essays from famous and not so famous people on cooking and eating alone.

“Dinner alone is one of life’s little pleasures. Certainly cooking for oneself reveals man at his weirdest. People lie when you ask them what they eat when they are alone. A salad, they tell you. But when you persist, they confess to peanut butter and bacon sandwiches deep fried and eaten with hot sauce, or spaghetti with butter and grape jam.”

This book has me thinking about my own eating habits. This is not hard for me to think about since I love to eat! But I love to eat good food. In fact, I will sometimes pass up a meal of not that great food, because it is almost too much trouble to eat something I don’t really care about.

When I was first divorced and the boys were at their dad’s house, I would order some good take-out food, go home and eat on the couch watching reruns of some stupid show. It was too painful to cook for myself. There were many nights that a few crackers, a granola bar or even graham crackers and a glass of milk were dinner. You see, cooking and feeding others had become a gift of love. It is a way to nourish other people both physically and emotionally.

I have always loved to cook and my mother really encouraged this desire. She baked with me and taught me many techniques and recipes, but the best thing she did for me was to turn me loose in the kitchen (as long as I cleaned up!). She cooked good food, and my parents took me with them when they travelled and always took me to nice restaurants. I had my own food processor before I even moved out of the house and my mom made sure that my kitchen was always stocked with good pots, pans, utensils and of course the necessary ingredients.

It helps that my mom also gardens, cooks, bakes and preserves. I know what homemade bread tastes like and there is no comparison to store bought bread. Shortly after college I was making lunch to take to work and realized that I was using tuna my mom had canned (my uncle had caught), on bread that she had baked and pickles that she had preserved! The only thing bought from the store was the mayo!

I spent many hours in the kitchen with my mom learning to preserve tomatoes, peaches, pears and pickles. We made cheese from fresh goat’s milk and always had a family dinner at 7.

I went to college in Santa Barbara in the early 90’s and found the Farmer’s Market! My roommate was not an adventurous eater, but I started experimenting and cooking even more. A group of friends would get together every Wednesday night at each other’s house and fix some yummy meal. Homemade Chinese food, handmade pasta, grilled salmon – I loved those nights of community and of course amazing food.

In my early 20’s I went to Europe for a month and that changed my eating and cooking habits even more! For the first time in my life I realized that tomatoes tasted good! When I came home my parents and friends were more than willing to try my new found cooking enthusiasm with all things Italian!

I had a fairly crazy marriage that lasted only three years but with three pregnancies and babies thrown in the mix along with being away from family, my cooking became more utilitarian. I found that staying at home I always cook breakfast and lunch, but by dinner time I’m tired, the kids are tired and I really didn’t want to clean the kitchen one more time! Darrin change that. I found that I loved cooking for someone who loved my meals, and as an added bonus he cleaned the kitchen for me when I put the boys to bed!

But now that I’m eating alone again, I have found myself back in the routine of cooking breakfast and lunch for the boys and dinner is hit or miss. I still love to cook and my boys love my food, but something is missing – it’s much harder to convince myself that I’m worth the trouble.

Thank God for leftovers and the freezer! And in all honesty we eat really well. This morning we had pan fried mushroom risotto (leftovers heated in a skillet until the rice gets crunchy on the outside) with a pan-fried, over-easy fresh egg on top. Lunch was homemade chicken tortilla soup and butternut squash soup (strangely good with crisp tortilla chips as well!). Everything was from the freezer and took all of 15 minutes to pull out, heat up and throw a chicken breast into the boiling broth. Even the butternut was pureed and frozen from a previous meal. But last night when the boys were gone, I pulled out left over grilled potatoes with rosemary, some blue cheese dressing and ate them standing in front of the kitchen sink at 9:30 because I hadn’t bothered to eat and I was too hungry to go to bed. Sometimes I pamper myself and cook an extravagant meal all for myself, but it all depends on my mood!

So, here is my question to you. What do you do when you eat alone? Do you enjoy it? Do you barely get through it? Or do you pamper yourself?

Photos

2009-06-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

My nephew Andrew came down for dinner tonight and brought his new camera gear. He is absolutely loving photography and took some awesome pictures of the boys and even my sister and me (especially considering we were up all night last night with the mama dog). He is starting his photography business and you can check out some of his other photos here. These are completely unedited, and very candid...

I am 10 years younger than my sister and 13 years younger than my brother. They had their kids when I was in high school, so I never expected to have children close to my siblings' children. Yet, my sister had a boy 10 years after her youngest (she was a little surprised) and I had Ryan a year and a half later; two years after that Max arrived. The boys are close and have been since birth. Janette and I were together at least once a week if not more often. I babysat for her when she went back to school when I was pregnant with Ryan and the grew up with each other. My sister moved in with us a few years ago during her divorce and lived with us for almost two years. Less than a year later they moved back in, due to breast cancer. I'm so glad the boys have each other. Most people assume they are brothers when we are all out together...I can't understand why!

Here's my sister and her youngest...My sister thinks she looks terrible, but I think she is looking amazing. Especially for being in the middle of chemo!

I'm never in front of the camera, so I get nervous, start laughing and then my eyes disappear...

Starwberry Jam

2009-06-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

One of the advantages of living in the Central Valley of California, is that we have amazing produce. I have five fruit stands within 2 miles of my house, and I'm sure there are probably more - I just don't drive that way. I picked this up and within one day everything was melting into juice. So, I chopped up all the strawberries and made strawberry jam. It's never to early to start making Christmas presents. Although, I don't think there is any way this jam will make it to Christmas. I have almost finished the runt which is really interferring in my no-wheat diet!

I chopped up 6 pints of strawberries...

added 2 1/2 cups of sugar...

Add cooked until it gelled...put it into pint jars, boiled for 10 minutes in a water bath and was rewarded with the sweet sounds of the lids sucking down as I was leaving the kitchen. I hadn't even cleaned the kitchen, so it was really within a minute of taking them out of the water.

My grandmother used to love caning. Apparantly it was the only thing she liked to do in the house. My mom would tell me as we were caning that her mom said it was the only think she did around the house that lasted more than a day. I never met my grandmother, but I really understand her sentiments!

Purging

2009-06-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

Since graduation a few weeks ago, I have been in the slow process of purging my house. It has been spurred on by many different reasons not the least of which since my sister and her kids moved in with me, I have downsized into my bedroom and the kids room. Additionally, three years of graduate school combined with the fact that I hate housework - things tend to pile up on me.

This terrible picture is of my living room, covered in laundry. You see, laundry is the bane of my existence. I do it, but it ends up on a counter top I built on top of my washer and dryer. When we need clothes we sort through the pile. Occasionally, my mother will tackle the pile and fold everything for me. But then, one of the real problems begins of where to put it all? Because not only do I have to sort and fold, but some of the clothes go back to their dad's house. Then there is the inevitable sorting of which clothes are now too small and have to be either given to a friend or packed away for Max when he gets bigger. Then, the worst thing of all are the socks...I wont even go there because it is just too painful...

So, in the middle of all of this mess, I lost steam. I just couldn't face it anymore. Which, I then did something solely for my own sanity. I put away what I had folded and picked up the rest and put back on top of the dryer. Sometimes you have to bite off a piece that you can chew without choking. It will be waiting for me tomorrow. You see, as much as I keep hoping that the laundry fairies will come in the middle of the night and make my house pretty, they never show up...Do they ever show up in your house?

Harvesting

2009-06-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

I harvested a few things this past week...Something had gotten in my bed of garlic and onions and pushed everything over. The garlic had turned brown and even though it hadn't grown as big as I would have liked - it needed to come out. Since I was harvesting the garlic, I decided to take out the onions that were in that bed as well. They weren't forming good size bulbs and I really needed the bed to plant my watermelon and butternut squash plants...So here are my onions:

and my very first garlic braid!

My first few yellow tomatoes and of course I usually get two eggs a day. I can't wait for teenagers to start laying...2 eggs a day is no where newar enough for this household who have all become egg snobs.

Although I think the brown one is a double yolk...

Boy's Big Days

2009-06-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

The boys have been having some big days lately! This week they learned how to shoot a BB gun and how not to shot themselves, each other or anyone else! I know that a lot of people do not like guns and believe me I understand. I come from a long line of hunters and my dad bought my first gun when I was four. He immediately taught me gun safety and took me hunting with him so I understood that guns kill things.

We ate everything he killed and my poor roommate in college looked at everything I cooked very suspiciously. What I'm trying to say is that I grew up with guns. However, when my husband left - I made sure that his gun went with him. I did not and do not want a gun in my house with my children.

But you see, it appears that I have a Blue Jay nest somewhere near my backyard. I've never really had a problem with Blue Jays until a couple moved in. They don't like anyone or anything in the backyard. They start screeching around 4:30 in the morning. It sounds like an alarm clock and is more than annoying.

I don't trust my kids and it's way too dangerous. I realize that there is a huge gun debate in this country and I really understand both sides of the argument, but this is not the place for me to get into that debate. What I wanted to say, was how excited they were that I finally allowed them to touch their father's BB gun and taught them how to shoot.

They very quickly "ran out" of BBs and the gun had to go away again. I am just not ready for that to be a regular part of our lives.

I also made an arbor thingy for the entrance to my vegetable garden out of concrete reinforcing wire I had left over from the tomato cages. This stuff is HARD to cut! I got out the Dremel, and boy did it go fast. The boys wanted to get in on the cutting...(after all, it was throwing off sparks, making loud noises and was a power tool)

Max ran into the house while Ryan was cutting and came out a few minutes later and announced that he was now protected...

Because I was using leftover material, the arbor is not the strongest structure and I used old tiki torches for support...

We also went to their first baseball game! I tried to explain the basics...but here's the main difference between my kids:

Ryan wanted to know how they built the lights so big and tall...

Max was into the ketchup...

And we had puppies...

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T16:59:00.001-07:00

My dad is helping me frost Ryan's snake birthday cake!

Today is Father's Day and I just wanted to say how much I absolutely adore my father! He is amazing and I love him. My dad is someone who always takes care of responsibilities even if it means hardship to himself. His family is always first, which sometimes means he has to work very long hours in order to take care of everyone. He has a huge heart and is a decent, caring, wonderful man. He is incredible moral and has very high standards that I always want to live up to. He is also the most intelligent person I have ever met, he is an inspiration in his very quiet way. Dad, if you are reading this - I love you more!

Today is also the summer solstice, which means it is the first day of summer and the longest day of the year. So, happy summer, enjoy the sunshine and the absolutely beautiful if crazy weather we have been having lately!

Photos of the Day

2009-06-19T21:07:00.001-07:00

Egg Casserole

2009-06-18T14:50:00.000-07:00

Jenna -

Here is the recipe for the Egg Casserole:

Melt 1 stick of butter in a large casserole dish

Combine:

10 eggs beaten

1 pint of cottage cheese

1 pound of Monterrey Jack (really and cheese you like)

1 pound of cooked meat (I use ham, but any breakfasty meat will do)

1 small can of green chilies

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 c. flour

Pour mixture into baking dish, cover and let sit in refrigerator overnight. Bake at 350 for 35 minutes. If you have an over like mine that isn't always accurate, might take a few more minutes. It should be slightly, turning golden brown on top and eggs not runny. Let sit for about 10-15 minutes to set up. I have also cut the butter down to half and it turned out fine. You'll understand when you take it out of the oven and realize that your arteries could clog just by looking!

Being a Stay at Home Mom

2009-06-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

I get to be a stay at home mom again! I have missed this so very much and am so glad that I get this opportunity this summer. I am no longer in school and my new job hasn't started yet. YIPEEEE!

I am absolutely loving the slower paced lifestyle. I would say that we can sleep in, but the boys don't understand the value of that yet. However, there is no rushing around in the morning trying to make breakfast and get everyone ready to get out the door, already late before we even get in the car. We don't have to even leave the house unless we want to. Yesterday we went to get chicken and cat food at the feed store. It was wonderful! I so look forward to the days that I don't go anywhere!

As much as I love being home, there are a few things that are a problem for me. One is that I cook three meals a day. That is not the problem - I love to cook (for the most part), and I cook really good food. The problem is that the kitchen is a mess at least three times a day. It doesn't matter how many times you do the dishes, they always need to be done again! And as I complain about this, I honestly know that this is not because it's summer, my kitchen always needs cleaning of some sort. After all, I have 7 or more people living in my house, and sometimes more...

The other problem is that it feeds into my isolationist tendencies. I have a difficult time making friends and forcing myself out of the house, or even to call people. I have belonged to a women's Bible Study for mother's of young children for going on five years now. These are women who I respect and admire. We all met and went to the park this morning and it was a lovely time. All the kids had a good time and I really, really enjoy hanging out with these women. But, I constantly feel like I am sticking my foot in my mouth. Well, honestly more like both feet and maybe some chin. Although, I got to hold a baby. It hurt and was so wonderful all at the same time!

It's hard for me to force myself out of my comfort zone, pick up the phone and invite someone over. Or invite myself over to their house. I wasn't the most liked kid growing up, in fact, I was the beat up kid who everyone made fun of...Curling up with a good book is what I have done most of my life! So, I am going to make a huge effort and force myself to make more connections! Just so I am being honest, here are some of my reasons why I don't just pick up the phone:

1. I feel like they don't really like me and are just being polite.

2. My house is always a mess. I am not the world's best housekeeper and think there are way too many more fun things to do and people to be with than have a perfectly kept house. However, I don't like people to see my lack of a clean house...vicious circle because in reality I am a perfectionist and want me house to be perfect.

3. I'm a single mom. I need the company most when I don't have my kids around - but that is usually family time and I feel bad asking to come over when families are having dinner and well - family time.

4. My boys are full-fledged boys. As much as I try to encourage their creativity, imagination and resourcefulness, not everybody appreciates or understands that boys are well, boisterous.

Ok, so here is my list of pathetic excuses and I will be working on them this summer...I will consider this personal growth time and invite someone over while there are still dishes in the sink and not try to frantically wash them before my guests come over!

After the park, I decided to splurge and took the boys to In-n-Out for lunch!

Yes, Ryan is in a Hulk costume. The only surprising thing about that, is that Max is not in costume!

Ice Cream

2009-06-18T13:39:00.001-07:00

“Mom, do you have a recipe you use for your ice cream?”

“Yes.”

“Would you share it with me?”

“Sure. I take some eggs, some milk, some cream or half and half, sugar, flour, salt and vanilla. Mix it up and pour it in the ice cream maker.”

“Gee, considering I haven’t done this before, I’m not sure that helps much.”

“Why not?”

“Ok. How much sugar? How many eggs? How much milk?”

“Just throw some together, taste it to see if you need to add anything.”

“Ok, why the flour?”

“It makes it smoother. I’d probably only put in a tablespoon or so.”

Strange as this conversation is – this is how I learned to cook. And for most things if I call my mom and ask, these are the kinds of recipes I get. These are also the kinds of recipes I give other people when they ask. Well, you take a little of this and a little of that until it looks right…Right now, I am officially apologizing to everyone who has ever called and asked for me to share a recipe especially those of you who would be self proclaimed non-chefs.

So, I did what my mom told me to. I used 2 eggs (fresh from my chickens), about a cup of sugar, some heavy cream (left over from the most amazing mushroom cream sauce I made the other night), milk, salt, flour and vanilla.

The ice cream was awesome! Here's Ryan on top of the playhouse eating his...

I sliced fresh strawberries for mine...This is really yummy summer goodness!

Recipe: (Well, an approximate recipe)

Beat together:

2 eggs

1 cup sugar (or less if you like it less sweet. I actually prefer a little less)

1/2 - 3/4 heavy cream or half and half

1 - 2 teaspoons vanilla depending on taste

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon of flour if desired. (I made it both ways, since I had to turn around and make more the next day. I did notice with the flour it was a little smoother, but I like it either way. I am trying to limit our intake of wheat, so it's absolutely delicious without it.)

Enough milk to make 4 cups of liquid

Pour into an ice cream maker and freeze!

I have a quart size ice cream maker, so this is for that amount...change recipe as desired and feel free to add fresh fruit, caramel swirls....Also, this recipe is uncooked, so you are eating raw eggs. I have no problem eating raw eggs since they are in most of my favorite foods - hollandaise sauces, homemade mayonnaise, cookie dough, brownie batter...if this concerns you, you could always cook the mixture until it thickens a little and is hot but not boiling. This completely changes the texture and now you have a custard based ice cream recipe instead. A lot of people prefer this, but I love the simplicity and ease of having the mixture in the maker in a matter of minutes!

Chicken Training

2009-06-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

I love my chickens. They make me happy just sitting and watching them eat my bugs and scratch the ground. I also love gathering the eggs and every time I crack one open, I smile because that came from my chickens. I had three chickens left from last year's attempt at backyard chicken raising. After a couple of incidents with a Pomeranian and then a toy poodle, we had some losses and even had to start all over again with a new flock.

However, one of my chickens doesn't lay. She is over a year old and either she doesn't lay or she eats her eggs. So, I gave her to my mother. I have two hens currently laying and 6 teenagers getting ready to lay very soon. Since I really enjoy watching the chickens I choose ones that I thought were pretty, layed pretty eggs and were available at my local feed store. So, I have a black New Jersey Giant, an Easter Egger (since no one can say for certain if it an Aracauna or an Americana...), a Silver Laced Wyandotte, a Golden Laced Wyandotte, a Maran and then three that we are unsure of. I think a Red Sex Link and two Wellsummers. We'll see once they start laying since the Wellsummers are supposed to lay beautiful dark chocolate brown eggs.

So, here is the problem. My chickens aren't exactly legal. And every morning around 5:30 they start to make noise - a lot of noise. I had no idea that hens could make so much noise. They like to bawk. Except it's more of a BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!!! Add to this that I am not a morning person and I am trying to keep the neighbors from reporting me. I am running out and letting them out of the coop to shut them up, but now I think they have trained me. They bawk, I let them out...Anyone have any ideas about how to make them shut up without annoying my neighbors?

photos of the day

2009-06-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

My younger son is a ham. He has discovered that he is funny. He has also discovered that he likes to make people laugh. And he like to have his picture taken even if he is the only one around to do it.

And because he really is absolutely adorable, I couldn't resist taking a few more!

Weather and Water

2009-06-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

The weather has been amazing this past week! I have lived in Fresno for the past 9 years, and I have yet to experience more than a week of spring. We tend to go from fogged in to 3 digit temperatures overnight. We have had rain. RAIN! Which is awesome considering the humongous draught we are in.

Puffy clouds in blue skies. Also very unusual since our skies tend to be either fog, or some smoggy, smoky, grayish color. When Ryan was little I told him the sky was blue and he argued with me! I can go outside without the possibility of heat stroke. I can send the kids outside without the possibility of heat stroke and red flag days which mean that no one should be breathing the air let alone running around outside.

Although I realize I am lucky to live in a zone where we (not me for some reason, but people around me) are already harvesting tomatoes and peppers, the weather is very difficult thing for me to handle. Besides that fact that heat is my own personal enemy, it is also my plants enemy. In fact, we almost have two short seasons rather than one long one since plants shut down in temperatures over 96 degrees. This sucks since we count the number of days in a row over 100 with regularity. I have been known to say, it's only been 5 days over 110...

I love the puffy clouds and beautiful temperatures!!!

Garden Update

2009-06-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

I'm having mixed success with my garden this year. My onions and garlic look awesome, but the onions aren't producing bulbs.

My potatoes are growing like gangbusters, but I think they have early blight. Anybody know if this is why some of them look terrible?

I have replanted my zucchini, squash and cucumbers three times now and am considering one more try. Not sure exactly what is going on. My absolutely best looking plant is a volunteer tomato plant. Three years ago, I planted a yellow pear tomato. It has reliably seeded itself every year since and is always my most prolific producer.

The rest of my tomatoes I started from seed indoors at the end of January and diligently took care of them every day - took them outside to visit the sun, brought them in at night. None of them compare to my volunteer which started to grow at the same time I planted out my other tomatoes...gardening can be a maddening process!

I do have a few tomatoes though!

I had two peas that germinated from seed. I cheated and bought seedlings at a sale a few weeks ago. I'm considering planting more seeds and just see what happens. The beets, spinach and radishes didn't germinate at all! They were all in the same barrel, so I'm thinking foul play - probably the cat. She likes to sleep in pots! My carrots sort of came up, so they are going to get a re-seeding as well.

The lettuce is done, it just gets way too hot here. I am already excited to see whether reports in the 90s, because it means it wont get that hot!

The peppers are starting to look good and my tomato plants are growing, just no tomatoes yet. I am trying to finish making my tomato cages so they can have some support.

The melons didn't like the sudden heat and neither did the strawberries. Everything probably would have been fine except I didn't have the drip system up and running smoothly yet. So the strawberries are toast and the melons just keeled over. And I don't think the chickens helped out either!

My lemon tree doesn't seem to be doing so well. I have all these tiny little lemons that are already turning yellow and falling off. I'm hoping that some of them decide to stay on the tree and actually turn into lemons.

Fishing

2009-06-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Pre-School

2009-06-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

My kids have been attending their pre-school for five years. So that is five years with the same teacher for me. The same person taking care of my kids when I couldn't. I love this woman! She knows everything about my life and my kid's lives. Although I didn't want my kids in pre-school (in fact I would home school them if I could), she has been absolutely wonderful.

Since Ryan has been in "regular" school for two years now, I have come to realize how special their pre-school really is. The elementary teachers in our school district do their jobs well; we live in one of the best school districts in the state. But our school district is incredibly competitive and they teach for the testing. I wont get started on my rant of why I absolutely hate our school district but I will really miss Ms. Leslie.

What kind of a gift do you get someone who has taken care of the most precious beings in your life for 5 years? And how do I not cry and get all weepy because my baby is going into kindergarten?

Onions

2009-06-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

I planted my onions back in December along with my garlic. Instead of ordering onion sets from a catalog, I planted the sets my local nursery had stocked - red and yellow onions. They came up beautifully and are one of the prettiest parts of my garden. However, they are not forming bulbs.

I have no idea whether I planted long or short day onions. I do know that long day onions are not a good idea for my zone 8 garden, but they were not marked. So, I may have planted a huge amount of green onions! Which wouldn't do me any good since I hate green onions and really only use onions for cooking. In order for me to eat them they must be completely cooked to the point of disappearing in the food...I know that I am weird. I have all kinds of crazy going on in my head most of the time!

Before and After

2009-06-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

I love to go garage saling. I realize as I type this, that "saling" is not actually a word, but that is what we call it in my family. I have also realized that many people do not enjoy this practice of rummaging through other people's stuff. However, I really enjoy taking things and turning them into something else or even just the bargain hunting and bragging rights afterwards! Ok, we have discussed before the fact that I am a little crazy...

I found this desk last weekend. The lighting in the picture makes it look MUCH better than it did in person - it is a really ugly and not well taken care of laminate. Since my office has been turned into a bedroom for my mom, I decided I needed a place for my stuff. Someplace other than my bed where I can put my computer... I also decided it would make a good bed side table for my room. It is a little larger than I would ideally like to have beside my bed, but I love it!

I found some beautiful glass knobs from Anthropologie and (woohoo!) half of them were on clearance. I even painted the insides of the drawers.

Now I just need to find a really cute chair to go with it!

Dinner

2009-05-30T20:54:00.000-07:00

I ate my dinner tonight standing up in my kitchen. Very Must Love Dogs-ish. But I have to say that tonight I even surpassed my own patheticness. I ate ice cream for dinner. Out of the carton. Standing up in my kitchen. In my striped pajamas.

I have experienced many changes in my life all at once. Some of them are too painful and private to talk about here, but I feel that sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin. Tonight is one of those nights.

I don't have my boys here. (I always have a hard time on the weekends I don't have my kids.) I don't have any homework. (Weird! I haven't turned my computer on in almost a week!) My back is out, so I have been laying on the floor for the last two days, despite a trip to the chiropractor. My sister's hair started falling out this weekend. And I just terribly hurt someone I deeply care about....

However, I am trying to reach out and make new friends. I called a couple girls and we went to a huge block sale this morning. I came back with some great finds including a screen door for my sister's room, a fabulous mirror, a new (well old) chair for my new desk and a couple of other great things... I'm trying to train myself to focus on the positives!